Kenny: “Let’s say we have someone out there that talks to themselves or see themselves is in a negative light. But they realize they want to move in a different direction. What would you recommend they do to start going in a positive direction?”
Start saying, “Thank you for…” They can think of one thing they are thankful for no matter how small (depending on where they are at in the process). If they are truly in a hole and they can’t see the light, start saying ‘thank you’ for something simple. Learning how to be grateful is what we start with. You don’t get very far in life without being grateful. That’s the simplest thing to change. Once you start doing that it starts to spill over into your life.
Be thankful your car starts, or that you have food to eat, that you can open your eyes… you can think of all sorts of little things. I try not to go to sleep each night without thinking of about 5 things I was thankful for before sleeping. There are times where it’s tough but it gets better! It’s not always easy but it makes all the difference in the world.
Kenny: “What are some next steps after this?”
Then think how you can make it better for someone else. Pick a few people or a situation to bring value or make it better. Try and help people and do something nice for someone and be kind and thoughtful to others. To think outside yourself is a huge step, too. Once you start doing that, the focus starts to come off yourself and your reticular activating system starts to come off yourself and your pain. After you’ve done this for a while, you can objectively look at yourself.
There’s a self healing process that I went through that involves speaking to the little one in your mind. Your child center that you have in your heart and mind. Say to that little one inside ‘thank you for being there for me and the stuff you’ve done for me’. Especially if you’ve had trauma as a child that you are carrying with you. Walking through and allowing that inner child or your “little one” to look inside and walk that child through that pain. Thank them for surviving that pain.
I had sexual abuse when I was little - not from a family member but from a neighbor. Then, I didn’t know and I thought it was normal. No one knew. So I had to work through that healing process and think of how I could allow my “little one” to heal. I have come through the alcoholism phase. I was an alcoholic by the time I was 12. I spent a lot of time trying to compensate in bad ways and didn’t understand the magnitude of the mind and how the mind will help you fix that. It’s been quite a journey to get to where I am today. It’s an amazing thing to learn how to control your mind because it can be your biggest enemy or your best friend. It’s all in how you control it. Your mind is your computer, it’s not your guide. Your personality comes from your mind of course and we all talk about emotions and all those other things that make us human beings. We also have a spiritual side. But to understand how to program your brain is the biggest tool people can give themselves because you don’t have to think that way. You were thinking a certain way because you didn’t understand that you don’t have to. You can change it. You have to change it.
It’s a purposeful thing. It’s like anything else you do. If you’re 100 pounds overweight, you didn’t get there overnight. You have to change the process a bit at a time. My oldest daughter has lost 75 pounds over the last 3 years by being mindful of her diet and activity. But it didn’t happen overnight. These changes take time.
If someone tells you you don’t have to work at it, they are lying and trying to sell you something. In matters of personal development, ‘work’ is almost a swear word to most people. For me it’s been a long, difficult journey, but it’s so very worth it. I spend about an hour every day in personal development. Whether I’m listening to podcasts, audible.com audiobooks, or something else. I fill my mind with solutions, peace, excitement, good, and gratitude. I’ve decided that’s the only way to live. I’ve spent too many years in a hole and I’ve decided I’m not doing it any more.
Kenny: “If you had to pick one thing. What would you say is the most important lesson you’ve learned?”
Love yourself. It took me 45 years to look in the mirror and say “I love you” and mean it. I couldn’t do it before. Now, every morning I say “I love you. You are my best friend.” That is the biggest key. You would not purposefully hurt your best friend. If you are truly in love you will spend time with that person. You will work to make that person’s life easier. So when you love yourself, you are careful about what you eat, how you treat yourself, say to yourself, and mindful of what you fill your mind with. When you do that, it radiates. Everyone sees it. It’s not arrogance.
You have to be careful. You are not better than everyone else. You are just deeply in love with yourself, so you take care of yourself. You sleep well, you eat well. You fill your mind with good so that you can do the things you need to do and you can make a change in the world around you. Everyone will be better because of it. You love yourself so much that you then look out for other people because you want them to love themselves too. In order to help them to that you need to show them how. They need to understand how to be thankful, how to be good to themselves and how to program your mind better.
My youngest daughter is a meth addict and she struggles. We fostered her as a 15 year old foster daughter. She’s been through hell and back. If you can think of any kind of abuse a person can go through, that girl went through it and I don’t know how she’s still alive. But, she’s 25 now and she’s still fighting. We work through this every day. It’s a heartbreak for me. I work very hard to show her she can love herself. But she thinks she can’t. She looks in the mirror and hates herself. That is her downfall right there. Self hatred and self loathing will destroy you and it can destroy people around you.
Kenny: “Are there any specific resources that you’d recommend?”
Dr. Ivan Misner of BNI is the king of “Givers Gain”. The goal of his company, BNI, is to refer business back and forth and to give business to the others in your group. So if you are giving business to the others of course you are going to get it back. He has podcasts and books that he’s written about this as well.
Another person is Darren Hardy. He’s one of my favorite authors and personal development experts. He’s very down to earth as far as business solutions and how to be a better person.
Jim Rohn is another one. He was doing personal development training before it was a thing.
Tony Robbins is another classic.
I love Brendon Burchard. He has a personal approach.
They each have a different feel and there are so many people out there. There are going to be people in that niche that you really resonate with so I recommend you try out listening or reading a from a few different people and then you can go deeper. You can learn a thousand things and only go and inch deep, but when it comes to things that really matter, I’ve learned that you are better off learning something an inch wide and six feet deep. If you have one book that you really resonate with, spend some time with it! If you find someone’s work that you resonate with, don’t feel bad about buying their books, going to their seminars, or anything else because you will learn something new every single time.
I’m a person of faith, so I go deep into my Bible, go to church, and talk to my pastor. Every day I try to spend about 20-30 minutes studying different parts of the scripture because it means that much to me. So, it’s all about finding stuff that you resonate with.
“If you could only leave the audience with one piece of actionable advice, what would that be?”
Be mindful. Think about things first. Really think it through. What am I putting in my brain? Why am I doing this? Be mindful.
Thank you for taking this journey with me. I look forward to serving you. Please sign up for the updates. I promise, I won’t overload your inbox!